| (no subject) |
[Jan. 6th, 2005|12:02 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | michael tolcher - sooner or later | ] |
my username is now:
axidentofyouth
so change it on your friends pages and all that good stuff.
booyah!
xxoo. |
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| what ever shall we do with me? |
[Jan. 3rd, 2005|08:47 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  embarrassed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | brand new - sudden death in carolina | ] |
well let's just say that this is not going to be a happy entry. it's actually going to be an angry and confused and frustrated entry. i highly recommend you stop reading now and go read someone else’s journal.
disclaimer: sorry for being so immature and discussing this with everyone who might read this (all 3 people). but i really just need to scream right now so feel free to be pissed off at me for this.
so here goes...
last night, i told the guy i like how i feel about him. suggestion to anyone considering that: BAD IDEA! i don't know what i was thinking, or why i felt the need to do that. obviously something's wrong with me that i would think it smart to try to ruin a good friendship while making a complete fool of myself. he was great about it, there's no nice way to tell somebody that you don't feel the same way about them as they do about you when it's that kind of feeling. and thank you for being so sweet to me, i don't deserve it for acting so stupid. and don't feel bad for me because it was my choice and i don't want anything to change about our relationship.
so anyways, things seemed okay after we talked and although it wasn't the ideal outcome, the ideal outcome was pure fantasy and i got the best i could hope for when back in reality. i had a horrible stomach ache and had trouble falling asleep but who wouldn't? right? however, i came home from school today and read his away message. way to confuse me. of course i'm not entirely positive that i was who he was referring to, if i am; congratulations on driving me absolutely insane. what the heck was that supposed to mean? that i'm you're ego boost? that maybe there's some slight possibility that you slightly maybe feel the same way? that you appreciate that i feel that way, it's great for you, now you got your confidence back? whatever. i hate that i'm so cynical and crazy. i'm sorry. i really am. the only advice i've gotten today is "give it time" and "be honest. there's no point in wasting your time playing games." but if i give it time i'll go insane if i haven't already but if i'm honest then i'm showing what a horrible person i am and how insecure i am. and who would ever want to have give such a self-doubting person a chance and have a relationship with them? oh well...i'm pretty used to this and i guess i was injudicious to think that this would be different than the other times. i guess i thought that because i feel so much more strongly in this situation that maybe for once it would actually work out for me. once again; WRONG. i'll get over it one day...
i'm sorry for this entry, if you never talk to me again it'd be completely understandable. i'm sorry. xxoo. |
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| i love jamie |
[Jan. 1st, 2005|08:22 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | dashboard confessional - for you to notice | ] |
hi. it's zoe. i just wanted to update because i'm a retard and i haven't updated since like before my amazing (half) WESTERN 3 TRIP!! anyways...so now i'm at jamie's house and she's my best friend (+ jenna and alana) and she's awesome so we decided to do a little update for you.
i like a boy.
his name is "he who shall not be named."
i'm pretty sure he doesn't feel the same way but that's probably because i'm a pussy and won't tell him. (comment from jamie only the first part about how he feels is from me).
maybe he'll figuere it out on his own?? (or with jamie's help...)
i give up on boys.
i should just do jamie and get it over with (SCORE!!).
she'd be down because she's currently looking for a boy too.
"he who shall not be named" almost did jamie.
she didn't like it.
at all.
jamie said no to a boy! shock! sorry boy.
that's because the one she wants is 23. NOT 21 BTW for all you tamarackers.
done bitching now.
"and you'd want to call me
and I would be there every time
you'd need me
i'd be there every time...
but for now I'll look so longingly
waiting...
for you to want me, for you to need me, for you to notice me"
i wish i could tell you* |
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| you best be planning on writing me when i'm at camp! |
[Jun. 25th, 2004|12:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hopeful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | she daisy - passenger seat | ] |
*SEND IT ATLEAST 7 DAYS BEFORE THE DATE!*
July 7th you can write me at:
Zoe Lesser
c/o Tamarack Camps Travel Trip #3
General Delivery
Moab, UT 84532
Hold For Pick Up
July 21st you can write me at:
Zoe Lesser
c/o Tamarack Camps Travel Trip #3
General Delivery
Jackson, WY 83002
Hold For Pick Up |
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| for joshy. |
[May. 19th, 2004|09:17 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lonely | ] |
| [ | music |
| | starting line - selective attention | ] |
THIS JOURNAL ENTRY IS DEDICATED TO JOSHUA ADAM LIPNICK.
i have no life so i have nothing to say.
my back is ruining my life at the present. it's ruining my chances at cheer. it's already ruined dance. and it's adding to my misery.
23 days until school gets out.
12 days until my birthday.
------------------------------------------------------------
there are 2 things that are really bothering me.
problem 1:
one of my best friends has recently decided that she doesn't want to be friends anymore, and it seems that there is nothing i can say or do to change her decision. the worst part about this is that one minute she'll be talking to like old times and i'm thinking great, maybe we can work this out and get throught it. the next minute it's like the first grade style of fighting is back in style. don't you remember that kind? let's say that person A is fighting with person B. person A is the kid who is mad and person B is the one trying to work it all out. here's how it goes: A is talking in a group of people. out of the corner of her eye, she notices B walking towards her. A leaves the group. or, say, B is talking to a group of people that A wants to also associate with. so A joins the group and says something. B adds in a comment and A gives a look and ignores B. however, when A needs/wants something that B has, and A knows that B will do anything to try to mend what happened, A will ask or take whatever, but never being friendly about it. i miss you whether you are willing to believe me or not. i really do. i'm here any time if you want to try to fix this.
problem 2:
i'm lonley. there's this constant feeling of lonliness in me. no matter how many people i'm with, 1 or 20, i still feel lonley. even when i'm with my best friends. and i'm constantly craving attention, trying to be noticed, budding in to other peoples lives/convesations. i'm trying to rid myself of this lonley feeling. i shouldn't be lonley. i have some of the greatest friends. this isn't right. why won't this feeling go away?
------------------------------------------------------------
i hope i never loose you. i won't. you promised. |
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| uch |
[May. 15th, 2004|08:47 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  frustrated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | starting line - best of me | ] |
right now i'm sitting on jenna's couch using her laptop. josh says that if i don't update when i get home he'll kill me (josh lipnik that is, whoops! now people know we're friends! actually we aren't.) this sucks. i really have nothing to say. nothing is going on. just the same ole shit. i actually wish i had something to say. does anybody else besides me hate it when people say you're are one of their best friends and tells only one of their other best friends that they'd be there for you if you ever needed it but then when you are at school in front of other people they will never ever talk to you and make faces at people when you try to talk to them as in "why is she talking to me we're aren't friends." that really bothers me. oh and what about when you do something nice for that person and first when you try to give it to them (in front of the cool, popular kids at school) they do that face thing and tell you to give it to them later (so the cool people won't see that they're friends with you) and when finally you guys have plans that weekend you give it to them and all they can say is ew why'd you put this on it i'm cutting it off and don't you have another way to fasten it it sucks.
whatever. fuck it.
</3 |
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| hmmm |
[May. 11th, 2004|07:09 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  giggly | ] |
| [ | music |
| | steadman - wave goodbye // wakefield - suffragette city | ] |
so i'm think i should update. but i still have nothing to say. except i love jenna behrmann and alana nedelman and my new skirt and my new BIG STAR jeans (cause alana knows best, now i match her sister and dad!). peyton is sooooooooooo adorable and i think i might just move in and be her fulltime nanny. and she has a boyfriend, david scott elliotT (check it out bia, 2 t's!). my new eyeshadow is called naked lunch, turn you on? muahaha. new york minute was the best movie! everyone in it was so freaking hott! (wow i sorta think this entry made me sound totally superficial. ewwy, yet fun!)
sometimes when you're having problems with your friends or your friends are having problems, there's only so much you can do before it's out of your control.. |
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| lalala |
[May. 7th, 2004|03:09 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  discontent | ] |
| [ | music |
| | matchbook romance - stay tonight | ] |
really and truely i have nothing to say. absolutly nothing. except that i hate 2-faced people. i really truley do. are you ashamed of being my friend or do you just prefer not to talk to me in school and when other people are around? just wondering. also i found it really obnoxious that when lambert passed out the knives for the lab and stupid people were trying to cut their arms and she yelled at them and said don't cut yourself with these and someone said yah we're cutters and noah schector said something along the lines of "no we don't want to be like zoe" what the fuck? |
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| finally |
[May. 5th, 2004|10:03 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  indifferent | ] |
| [ | music |
| | lucky boys confuson - fred astaire | ] |
well here i am. so jenna josh and david can finally shutup. BLAH. this week has been very blah. monday was NOTHING (except i got to skip hebrew, that was cool). tuesday was...(did tuesday pass or did it just not happen). wednesday was...today? wow. oh yah. well this morning jenna died and i wasn't ready for board so her mom came in and told me what to wear. muahaha. then we had a semi party for breakfast w/ freshman board. YUCK. the school sorta just went by, minus the crazy fucked up math test. would it be that hard to do the problems you put on our tests and check if they work? seriously. is it that nessecary to make us sit there stressing out over problems when you don't even know if they work, and they usually don't. erh! and the econ test was crazy. that class is supposed to be easy. i really gota start working harder in school. that 3.86 gpa is for sure going to hell for semester grades. and i for sure failed that bio test today. and i try so hard. it's not fair at all that i'm so stupid. :-(.
after school i had another stupid meeting for sophmore board next year. ew ew ew. i wanted to run for secretary but i love sammi more even though now i'll never get to have officer for student board on my collage application wich totally sucks since i really am guna need anything extra i can get. i don't know what i'm guna do. i'm for sure not smart enough for michigan but i don't want to go anywhere else. :-(. when we left the meeting we went to drop something off at jackies so while jennas mom was talking to cindy, jackie came and partied in the car w/ us and their portable phones. muahaha. when we got home we missed alana but she lives like out in the boonies so we went to coneys w/ dave and walked home and we saw peyton in the park so i played w/ her and talked to her mommy! she didn't remember me at first but then she did so it's all good. she's so cuteeee. tehehe. i told her dave was her boyfriend and she goes NO! (she screams no when she means no and she must hate to say yes because she just doesn't answer when the answer's yes. lol). then i went back to jennas and we had mad sex w/ alana even though jenna smelled bad cause she doesn't shower. actually she does cause me and alana and her showered together. muahaha. how's that for something to waste your time josh? if you're good maybe we'll call you next time! haha! my daddy came to get me so i could drive home! yes!
well now i'm the smellly one. guess that shower didn't do too much good! i'm outie. enjoy. comment. love you. |
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| i'm back |
[May. 2nd, 2004|09:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | numb | ] |
| [ | music |
| | aerosmith - what it takes | ] |
yo! i'm getting yelled @ cause i haven't updated! but i thought no one read this! david i know you are so comment darling!
this weekend was oh so fun! thursday i woke up @ like 10 and jenna and me picked alana up and went to coney. it was really sad cause there was a lot of kids there coming from a kid at wbhs moms funeral. we took too long eating and we got to school like 15 minutes late. whoops!
after school jenna and me went to daves and kimmy took us to dairy queen. it was fun! then we played basketball and hung out there for a little till we had to leave. i went to dance and then home sweet home...snore...
friday was a stupid boring day at school. then i went out to dinner at coney with jenna and alana and marni and dave and then we went to see tommy. ang was amazing and could jamie possibly be having more fun? lol. after we went to daves even though apparently we weren't wanted but anyway. nothing happened in between the play and daves. nothing i said! we really just went back to jennas to wait for him to get to his house. right?
saturday i went to verizon and i got my new phone! it's so awesome! (we're having an affair...shhhhh...) when i got home my cousin was here with my little baby cousin, hannah. we went back to their house and i babysat hannah from like 4-12:30. long but fun. plus my other cousin karen came w/ me so that was super! dave i'm sorry you were grounded! xxoo! alana i love you! sorry it sucked!
today i had to wake up to go to my cousin's stupid wedding shower that my mom and aunt were throwing. it sucked. adults are even more boring than me, and i didn't think that was possible since all i like to do is sleep. hmmm..but then me and jenna went to go see mean girls. it was so great. how come romantic things don't happen to me? like how great would it be if i could find one guys that i want to be w/ and that wants to be w/ me and that i can completly be myself around and he can be himself and we can hold hands and go on dates and talk on the phone and we can both be happy?
well there i updated with a quite boring entry. i have a lot more to say but lets just leave it with this message to one reader. SHUT THE FUCK UP I'M SICK OF TAKING YOUR SHIT! |
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| yoohoo |
[Apr. 28th, 2004|10:46 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  giddy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | better than ezra - circle of friends | ] |
you dawg. i'm wired. i had caffinated cherry coke (shhh me and j told my mom that it was diet caffine free coke)! now j thinks i'm guna make noise (she doesn't want to hear me all night, although i don't make noises!)
today was sweeeeeeeeeeeeeet. iowa testing sucked but we had a free hour at the end and me and mandy and chelsea and josh and nicky were talking about how mandy and chelsea are lesbians. muahaha! art was fun as usual, and health was just boring but not bad as usual.
after school me and jenna and dave went on a walk! it was super. jenna and dave fought over who smelled worse on their way to get me. (jenna smells the worst because dave showers with the men at hockey, his favorite sport).
-------interupption-------
i just back handed jenna.
--------------------------
jenna gets lost all the time. today we were sitting out on the hill behing my house and i went and jumped on dave and i look up and jenna's wondering up the hill and eventually on to the play structure. then like 10 minutes later me and him were having sex (evil laugh) and jenna starts wandering off in curvy lines and then dissapeared. we stood up and jenna was sitting on top of the bars behind my house. honestly she is really disturbed. i know it's hard to tell your friends when they need help, but jenna, if you're reading this, we really need to talk to your parents about sending you to the physiciatric ward at the hospital. <3
tonight alana and i made plans to rekindle our friendship at brunch tomarrow morning. when we talked she was wearing a lace bra and matching thong. i then tried to stare at a picture of her to help my longing for her but all i could find was a box of every color string so i now view alana as multicolored (does that mean that her lace bra and matching thong are multicolored too?) I MISS HER! xxoo.
me and jenna have to go to sleep now because it's already 11:20 and we have to be up to pick up alana at like 10:50 cause we have school tomarrow (haha who would have thought that our parents, who never let us do anything at all, suggested that we had a sleepover tonight. wow.) |
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| blah blah blah |
[Apr. 27th, 2004|06:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  naughty | ] |
| [ | music |
| | train - calling all angels/meet virginia | ] |
i honestly ahve nothing to say. well actually i'm lying. i have a lot to say. but NO ONE WANTS TO HERE IT! tough luck. ex-out of the window if you must. thank you darling.
today was what we call unusual. i had IOWA testing in the morning. i was w/ chelsea and mandy. we made pretty string! then chelsea stole my headphones cause hers were ghetto and freaky so i couldn't listen to my disc man but it was funny cause me and mandy said funny things to see if chelsea could hear us (i maintain the fact that she could).
i had lunch and then i had english. i don't want my paper back. i think i got like 145 or 150 out of 200 :-(. i left school at 1 and then we rushed to the back doctor cause they told us to come like a hour early but then we got their and we waited like a hour and we didn't make it to my 2:00 app w/ the dr that makes sure my add meds work. stupid stupid doctors offices. they suck. i hate doctors. i now have to get a MRI, and that sorta freaks me out!
i then bounced on over to drivers ed. we took the test and me and sammi and jenna all cheated off eachother but then jenna got 90%, sammi got 88%, and i only got 86%!!!!! arg! but i passed so oh well. oh yah, and jackie's a failure at life (love you!)! i'm guna forget how to drive caues my moms crazy and won't let me drive. she's used every excuse ever atleast 6 times. arg!
my sister is now home for the next month. i think i might possibly kill myself. i can't stand her. i can no longer ever play music cause she doesn't want to hear it. i can't turn the tv on ever because she is always home because she has no friends and no job and she doesn't want to hear the tv. and she thinks that she's perfect. ew. i love her to death but god it's been so nice w/o her hear. i hope she doesn't read this cause i really love her and i don't wana be mean but she's so self centered and full of it.
TOMARROW IS GUNA BE SO SWEET! i hope it works out...i have this strange pit in my stomach saying "you know it's not guna work out" but i really want it to cause i'm soooooooooooo excited! i'm such a terrible person lol. DON'T DO ANYTHING YOU DON'T WANT TO DO. DON'T NOT DO SOMETHING BECAUSE YOU'RE SCARED OF WHAT PEOPLE WILL THINK! xxoo. |
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| booyah |
[Apr. 26th, 2004|08:25 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  devious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | ben kweller - in other words | ] |
booyah. i have nothing to say. fo sho. i hate monday night school.i <3 j, j, s, j, and ME (not!) HAPPY BIRTHDAY JACKIE! NO BALLOONS FOR YOU! MUAH! meaps this week, easy week, score. seriously i have nothing to say except to complain about my need for men and my pain in my back. ouch. |
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| hmm |
[Apr. 25th, 2004|12:04 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | matt nathanson - wings | ] |
this weekend was what we call, strange...
on friday i had physical therepy after school. then i went home and i was really cranky and depressedish and then marni and sammi and jenna walked here and i was sorta annoyed w/ them but i love them so they ended up putting me in a good mood and we bounced on over to coneys to visit eddie. eddie wasn't working but some of the guys we don't have out w/ anymore were there so we annoyed the shit out of them and went back to one of their houses w/ them, much to their dismay. but i just follow people so i went. i was all upset who knows why so i sat in a corner trying to sleep until my mom picked us up. i slept like 11 1/2 hours and when i woke up jenna was pissed at me and so we went to dairy queen to get her dog and her mom and us so ice cream. then we bounced on over to the rosens to see the dog that they got a few days ago. it sorta looks like a pig but i'm attempting to be friends w/ it. me and jenna went back to her house and then karen came and picked us up there and drove us back to my house just cause we hadn't driven w/ her yet and she got her liscense last monday. then we hung out for a lil till jenna had to go. sammi came over later so we could go babysit but the idiots i babysit for decided to go out w/ their kids and not tell me so we went babysitting w/ jenna instead. i like those kids better anyway (minus the extra homers muahaha). we came back here and then they had to leave cause their parents hate them so i hung out w/ my sister, and we were good little girls.
now i'm spending my day writing my final paper for this stupid 200 point poetry research paper that has ruined my month. i hate mrs. maisner. she's so stupid. and i hate school. i had such a good report card last card marking minus my bad english grade but now i have the worst grades and i don't know what to doooooooooo! i'm trying but i don't know how to get these grades up. i've gone down 11% in bio! ahhh!
well i'm out no one wants to here/read my rambling. as a matter of fact i bet no one is. hmmm..jenna started a live journal. check it out. make her feel loved. www.livejournal.com/users/trick_er_treat . blah blah blah blah blah. |
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| dude |
[Apr. 24th, 2004|04:34 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | jubilant | ] |
| [ | music |
| | abba - dancing queen | ] |
dude i'm jenna. no. i'm zoe. pretending to be jenna. on zoe's lj. wierd? |
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| thanks but.. |
[Apr. 20th, 2004|09:36 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | cranky | ] |
| [ | music |
| | oasis - champagne supernova | ] |
thanks to those people who said some amazing things back to me. my goal of that entry was not for feedback. but you gave it and i appereciate it more than anything else. i just wish i felt the way i should, and that i felt that i could talk to anyone and they would listen. it's not me being ungrateful or taking anything for granted. it's call depression and it's also called low self esteem. but anyone who would like to think other wise, have fun with that. if it raises your self esteem to put vulnerable people down, cheers to you. you will then have the self esteem i've never had. sometimes i know that i come off as snobby, full of myself, loud, obnoxious. that's me trying to fool myself. but someone who used to be so important today yelled at me saying that i am "so fucking annoying." and they're right. i am. but what can i do? i don't know how to change. i don't know how to be anyone but myself. i'm sorry.
montreal was great. i had lunch w/ adam and prez and nat. i also went and visited derek at work. it was amazing. i'm so excited for western 3. i just hope i'm still able to go..
physical therepy is not doing shit. thursday the pains got unbearable in my back and i'm terrified that i won't be able to do recital at dance and that i possibly may not be able to do western. more blows to my world.
everyone i know seems to have only one thought on their minds; boys and hooking up. maybe i never recieved the 'likeable' gene or something. i know i did a lot of it to myself by how i treated guys in the past but something in the back of my head tells me that has nothing to do w/ it since many of the guys i know now know nothing about that. maybe it's a gene i can grow? hmmm...
if you dont' like my entries stop reading them. and please don't ever sign somebody else's name so that you can try to blame someone else for you're unkindness. if you're so full of it to say what you said, then admit it was you. other wise you are just low and scared.
my back hurts and i'm cranky per usual. happy holidays. goodnight. |
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| put me out of my misery |
[Apr. 10th, 2004|11:17 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | rejected | ] |
| [ | music |
| | powderfinger - my happiness | ] |
why can't all the mnisery just end? i never did anything to deserve this...
i haven't had any plans yet over break except marni coming over at like 9:30 thursday night and i probably won't have any. well, except w/ my physical therepist and my english paper. my mom's like "i'm sorry all your friends are out of town" and it's like well gee who's guna apologize for the fact that just 1 friend is out of town and she must be my only friend since i don't seem to be having a shitload of fun and if she was here well, atleast we'd be freaks together. except that people like her so i'd probably end up having plans on account of being her sidekick and i get to be included in pretty much all the plans she gets invited to have. i miss herrrrrrr. but it's ok i guess cause she's guna bring me back a kilt from scotland and i hoppppppppppppe that her mommy picks me out a good book or 2 in england that i can pay them back for just cause english books are soooooooooo good. yah me for being a geek.
i only have 1 source for my english paper and we need 3, and the rough draft is due the tuesday we get back but i don't think i can go to montreal now because i don't have a laptop to work on it on the plane and i won't be done by wednesday. shiiiiiiiiiiiit.
i have to go fucking driving with the stupid teachers wich i hate. it's so much better w/ my dad and i drive better w/ him, they make me nervous.
maybe i'll drive off into another world, and when i return to this one my life will be fixed. or maybe i'll just drive into another car. much more likely that will happen rather than the first idea.
maybe i should just pretend i don't go to north anymore and just hang out w/ my camp friend, except they are all out of town too, but they seem to like me better, or atleast better pretenders. i miss jamie. we used to be like sooooo close and it's like i never get to see her anymore and now she's in florida and well, i'm stuck here. plus she has too many other friends to hang out with.
maybe i just need to find a boyfriend who also has no friends. that way he might be able to find some possible way to like me. no one else ever has liked me in any way let alone wanted to be with be and kiss me but not want me to do anything i'm not comfortable with and to just want to sit next to me and even that would make him happy. i'm so lonley and every one i know has these cute little relationships and perfect boyfriends/girlfriends or there's just this guy who really likes them and would steal the world for them if that's what they wanted and they just use them for ego trips and i just wish someone felt that way about me, i wouldn't use them, i'd appreciate them because i know what it feels like to be used since i seem to be the biggest joke when people need someone to do things for them.
what makes me even happier is that i know that this won't be read and yet typing it out just made me feel just a tiny bit better. well i wrote a lot for no one to read it and i just want to leave this place. have a fun-filled day. me and my computer sure will. |
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| fuck life |
[Apr. 6th, 2004|09:08 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drained | ] |
| [ | music |
| | linkin park - numb | ] |
i'm so sick of this shit. last week i was happy. who knows why..
i hate my family and i hate this fucking life i have. why do some people go through life w/o a lot of problems, always happy and bouncy? and it's not my attitude, i've tried so hard so many times. i'm almost ready to give up trying. maybe i should just give up and spend my time not at school curled up on the couch in my room reading w/ my music on loud. i'm always happy when i do that. sure go ahead make fun of me, it's not like you don't already.
i refuse to be at one more family event. i'm so sick of getting yelled at for everything i do. i'm NOT a bad kid and just because my aunt decided years ago that i am doesn't mean she can yell at me for everything. just because she likes to control everything and has controlled her children to the point where they don't even seem like themselves to me anymore, doesn't mean that she can treat me like shit.
and why is it that people say they're my friends, yet the moment i stop calling them all the time and IMing them, they make no attempt to talk to me. throughout everything i've really had only one true friend and she knows who she is because she's been there. i love you.
</3
i'm done trying.. |
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| today... |
[Mar. 30th, 2004|05:17 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | wide eyed and full - matt nathanson | ] |
today was another good day.
maybe i'm getting better? i hope so.
i went to school and got in another fight w/ the librarian, this time about her not letting me check out a book that was being reserved for A CLASS wich just so happened to be MY CLASS but she did not seem to care. horrible bitch.
i finished my "stipled" shoe in art! yay!
I DROVE ON THE BIG ROADS TODAY IN DRIVERS ED! i'm a master! one more driving time and i can get my mommy permit on tuesday! scoreeee!
now i'm home, and a tad bit lost. i wana drive! marni's a coocoo head.
go to marni's lj ( http://www.livejournal.com/users/curlytop_lilone ) and do that thing she has for march 29 w/ the title FILL ME OUT LOVELY! (yes i know she's queer but she is my best friend so be nice!) <3 you too j! |
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| stangish day |
[Mar. 29th, 2004|07:57 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | numb | ] |
| [ | music |
| | greenwheel - breathe | ] |
nothing too exciting today.
well, i started drivers ed!! ( + )
and, i started physical therepy.. ( - )
i get to drive tomarrow! yay! stay off the road 4:10 - 5:00 unless you enjoy risking your life to that extent...
jenna wore tacky sunglasses today and thought she was blind whenever she had them on. james flicked her off. but she really could see. hmm...i should have tripped her...
i actually think this might have been one of the first good days in a very long while. because i didn't pay attention to things. i chose to ignore the times i was alone, and to actually enjoy watching other poeple have fun w/ their friends, it let me think a little bit about what i need to change, and what kind of person i need to be.
"Breathe"
I played the fool today
And I can see us vanishing into the crowd
Longing for home again
But home is a feeling I buried in you
I'm alright
I'm alright
It only hurts when I breathe
And I can't ask for things to be still again
No I can't ask for you to offer the world through your eyes
Longing for home again
But home is a feeling I buried in you
I'm alright
I'm alright
It only hurts when I breathe
I'm alright
I'm alright
It only hurts when I breathe
My window through which nothing hides
And everything sings
I'm counting the signs
And cursing the miles in between |
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